In the wake
of the Jerry Sandusky conviction, the Tyler Perry confession of being sexually
abused on Oprah, the Eddie Long
accusations and the revelations of Catholic priests who also abused children
for many decades, my wife and me felt compelled to write about it from a
Christian prospective. We would be naïve to think that this is not a church
issue and that there are not individuals in the pews and the pulpit who have been
sexually abused in their lives. As ex-victims ourselves, we feel a compassion
for those who have been sexually abused or experiencing abuse now. We know the
pain, shame and sometimes destructive behaviors that are associated with this
kind of abuse. But we also know the healing power of God and freedom that comes
with it. Isaiah 61:3 proclaims, “To
console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil
of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness
(depression) that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of
the Lord, that He may be glorified.” In this article, we want to share with you
a few keys that have helped us in our healing process.
When we took a statistical view
point, we were astounded at the number of victims that have been affected by
this kind of atrocious abuse. According to the U.S. Centers of Disease Control,
1in 3 girls are sexually abused before the age of 17 and 1 in 6 boys before the
age of 18. Also, 20% of known rape
victims in the U.S. are younger than 11 years of age and 35% of girls between
grades 7-12 had been sexually abused.[1]
Girls are more frequently the victims of sexual abuse, three times more than
boys, but the number of boys is also substantial. Sexual abuse has increased
350% since 1980 according to several reports. Likewise, a 2003 national study
of U.S. adults reported that 14.2% of men were sexually abused[2]
and the U.S. Department of Justice reports that 10% of men and 50% of women who
were incarcerated had been physically or sexually abused as a child. I am most certain that the numbers are
slightly higher because of victims suffering in silence as we did. As you can see
these statistics are disheartening and disturbing, but there is healing and
deliverance through Jesus Christ as we will discover in the following
paragraphs.
Before Chris
and I go into the keys of healing, you must understand that healing is a process
and not some instantaneous thing. We are faith-filled believers and know that
God is a God of the suddenly, but in most instances of abuse healing takes time
to come to complete fruition. We want people to understand that it will take
time and effort on their part for healing to manifest. There are many traumas that
accompany victims of abuse and all must be dissected. So we encourage all
individuals of abuse to not only trust God for their emotional healing but also
seek professional counseling.
The first
step to restoration is to confront and
acknowledge what happened to you. You
cannot conquer what you do not confront! One of the enemy’s strategies is
for you to ignore or forget the mistreatment that you endured or are presently
enduring. He wants you to live in the oppression of shame and guilt which keeps
you silent. After deceiving Adam and Eve to eat from the tree of the knowledge
of good and evil, they became aware of their sinful state and hid in shame.[3]
Satan continues to use this same ploy with those who have been sexually abused.
For Chris and I, the healing process could not begin until we admitted we had
been abused and realized it was not our fault. The majority of your healing
occurs the moment you can speak out about being abused.
The next key
to healing is forgiveness. Not only
forgiving the abuser but also forgiving yourself. Most victims hold themselves
responsible for the abuse incurred. As
Jessica explained in the prior paragraph, this abuse was not your fault and you
cannot hold yourself liable for the abuser’s perverse desires. Some of the
indicators of unforgiveness rooted in abuse are low self-esteem, fear, co-dependency,
anger both inwardly and outwardly, physical illness and unanswered prayers. Forgiveness
is a powerful act and all of these
negative traits will dissolve as you forgive the perpetrator and yourself. The
bible says in Matthew 6:14 and 15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their
trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses.” Paul
also states to forgive one another as Christ has forgiven us.[4]
Finally and
most importantly, you must receive the Father’s healing and know that His
unconditional love is available for you. It is hard for the victim to receive
God’s love because it is freely given, with no strings attached. The victim’s
mentality must be renewed through the Word to receive this free gift. The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 8:32, “What then shall
we say to these things, if God is for us, who can be against us. He who did not
spare His own Son but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also
freely
give us all things.” There is a freedom that comes with God’s love. A freedom
from the shame, pain, guilt and condemnation attached with sexual abuse. So
receive your joy for mourning, gladness for sorrow, praise for suppression,
healing for broken heartedness and BEAUTY FOR ASHES!
If you are a victim of sexual abuse or know someone being
abused please contact: www.americanhumane.org
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